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songs? confusion? [Tuesday
February 10th
[ mood | confused ]

i can't figure out which songs to listen to about my ex... honestly this would all be simpler (not easier mind you, i'm not saying break ups are ever easy!) if i just hated him or was angry or something i could be all vengeful about. then i could sit there drinking and singing songs about he's gonna miss me when i'm gone and he'll reget this blah blah blah but it's honestly not like that at all.

the truth is i still love him very much. you know how sometimes when you're going through a rough time or a break up or falling in love it seems like every song written about that emotion was written for you? this time it's the opposite! i've found songs that describe EXACTLY how i feel at a given moment and then it changes after one conversation with him... right now i'm hooked on hot n cold by katy perry haha :-) cause

you're hot than you're cold
you're yes than you're no
you're in than you're out
you're up than you're down

you're wrong when it's right
you're black when it's white
we fight we break up
we kiss we make up


so true. not like i've been any clearer than him about the whole situation though haha. ah geez. it's 4am and i'm still awake thinking about all this mess. someone call a doctor, gotta case of love bipolar.

i change my mind like a girl changes clothes ;-)
love to all

i'll share my serious song choice in the next few days. stay tuned.

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of two worlds [Saturday
February 7th
[ mood | cheerful ]

i love that last line. "but i know all sorts of things that i don't believe." i know that seeing my ex isn't a good idea, but my mind refuses to believe it.

and this of course brings the lols:

:-) happy weekend everyone!

hit me with your best shot

journals = found [Monday
February 2nd
[ mood | cheerful ]

pretty excited by the fact that i finally got a hold of those old journals. turns out my parents DID indeed take them from my room. no idea why because they don't seem to have read them... if they had i'd probably be in some form of trouble lol. but in any case i confronted my dad about it and he gave them back.
something neat to look at :

^^ i'm in the black/green dress at around the 1:30 mark! yes
 that's me on the runway with green feathers glued to my eyebrows at Boston Fashion Week (very exciting).

i'm still working out what my goals are for the next couple months... i just know i want to be in much better shape come bikini season this year! good luck with all of your goals girls.

5 hit me with your best shot

January 19th
[ mood | annoyed ]

well that's it. i'm back home. all my stuff is downstairs waiting to be brought up to my room and unpacked but i am definitely not in the mood. and i certainly don't feel like going to work tomorrow. oddly enough one of the first things i went looking for when i got home was my notebook where i keep inspirational pictures and my weight goals aaaaaand it's gone... i looked everywhere and i have no idea where it is! i'm a bit pissed because that probably means my parents came across it and destroyed it. retards.

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moving home. [Friday
January 16th
so i had moved in with my boyfriend and things were good. yesterday he broke up with me, we spent the whole day crying together, having makeup sex and breaking up all over again. i'm moving back in with my parents on sunday. i'm at his house right now while he's working and i just can't bring myself to pack... it's just too soon. every time i even think about it i start crying all over again. he says he needs space- that he still loves me but he needs space to find himself or something. whatever. the good thing is that the last thing i want to do is eat. perhaps in a month or so i'll run into him and he'll realise what a mistake he made in letting me go.
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hey rich girl... [Wednesday
January 7th
so here i am, awake at 7am browsing _realthin while the boyfriend sleeps because i'm turning into one of those "closet ed" girls. most EDs are a very private thing but mine was always in the open... while i was in college no one noticed that i fasted, exercised like crazy and weighed a lot less than i should have... now i have to be all secretive about it because i'm actually living with my boyfriend and working a full time job. any advice on how to manage this better?

shit i can hear his alarm going off upstairs. i really need to get my own computer so i can communicate with you girls more often :-( i'm lonely to be honest. today is spa day for me so i'll be going for my massage, facial and mani-pedi in a few hours. what a wonderful christmas present!

much love girls!

1 hit me with your best shot

someday i will be famous [Sunday
January 4th
someday i will be one of those girls whose images come up on realthin and thinspiration websites all the time. someday i will be one of those girls.
2 hit me with your best shot

New Years [Thursday
January 1st
[ mood | accomplished ]

Here are my new years resolutions:

1.) Give Back
2.) Quit Smoking
3.) Drink less
4.) Lose 20 pounds healthily
5.) Reconnect with my birth mother

I am happy to say I think (knock on wood) I have given my ED up for good. I will lose this weight healthily and safely and permanently. I am sick of yo-yo-ing. I am sick of fighting with myself. I want to be healthy and strong and empowered. Amen to that sister.

My heart is with all of you over these tough times, I hope that you have found security, stability and health. If not, I hope that you are striving to do so and I will be here to the best of my abillity. I will be writing less girls, but I will post my progress in hopes that it can inspire you to be heathy and happy with yourselves no matter what your shape. We all want something, we just have to go out there and take it. It's ours for the taking!

I love you all and I hope the holidays were good to you and your families.

<3 mirabella

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i got a job!!!!! [Tuesday
November 25th
yay! i finally got a job! :-D

it's funny too because when this was my 3RD time interviewing with this place and so i go in completely expecting to not get the job and the interview went very badly in my opinion... i had lunch with my boyfriend after and i told him about how i thought the interviewer and i just didn't connect and all this other bullshit...

then 2 hours later i get a call on my cell phone from the head of the beauty department saying "hey! the account coordinator loved you and we'd like to make you an offer!" needless to say i was shocked and elated to hear such news! i mean... not only did i think she'd disliked me but i was convinced i wasn't going to get the job! i start training next week, i'll be working for Bobbi Brown cosmetics :-)

i am so psyched. not only did i need this job, but it's going to be an absolute blast!!! wish me luck girls!
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halloweenie! [Friday
November 14th
[ mood | cheerful ]

let me preface this entry by saying that i absolutely adored the movie wall-e! i think i found possibly the cutest picture ever:

ahhhh how cute are they?! i wish i had been something cool for halloween...

anyways, today i was supposed to visit my parents and do some yard work for them but it's raining so yippee! i have the day off! unfortunately that also means i'm by myself in the house all day trying desperately not to stuff my face. i wish i had a really time consuming job so that i'd just forget to eat (and earn lots of $$ duh). i'll just have to find other ways to occupy my time for today. perhaps i'll make a picture post! i haven't done one of those in a looooooong time and i used to really enjoy making them.

stay tuned i'm off to hunt for pictures ;-)
<3 mira

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